Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
