ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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