I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
