He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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