Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
