I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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