I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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