i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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