BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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