Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
