i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
