I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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