Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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