Don't you send me to vm
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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