i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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