Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
