Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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