I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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