why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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