And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
