Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
