She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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