Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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