I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
