Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
