is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
