I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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