Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
