I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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