two words: eviction party
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
