I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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