Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
