I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
