ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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