its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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