12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
