I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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