i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
