I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
