She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize