He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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