So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants