someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
