The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
