I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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