We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
