i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
