I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
