so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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