I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
