How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
