So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
