When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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