We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
