I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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