They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
