What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
