I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
