On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
