Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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