ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
not ubering you a puppy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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