So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize